Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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