Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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