Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
