My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
