i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
