Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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