last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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