you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
