Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
