I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
