You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
