nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
