where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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