Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
