Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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