I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found puke in my bra..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize