I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
