There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize