Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
