Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
