My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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