is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize