everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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