i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
