Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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