I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
NoShamevember. You game?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
