i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
