I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my being single is dangerous.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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