I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
