Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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