I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
