the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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