If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
