i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
