you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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