he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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