im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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