his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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