New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
vagina is talking i cant
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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