oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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