I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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