I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
