Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
