I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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