dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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