well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
