Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
