I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
