Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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