I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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