I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
