is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
