Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
