I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
