Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
