Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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