The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
