hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
