thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
