listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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