its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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