I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
