There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
