A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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