I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
