In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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