So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My hand turned me down
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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