Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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