lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
