I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
